Monthly Archives: March 2010

Free D #4 – Parity Principle – Rapport with Boss, Customers, and Other Relationships

Parity Principle

I know you think you must have heard that one, and are tempted to Google it. Well – don’t (unless you like philosophy). It’s just me hijacking the name for the following discussion: on boss, customers (=bosses), and other relationships (spouses, the almighty form of a boss).

When your boss, customers, or other relations communicate something in length, details, mannerism, style, tone and other ways – you should consider reciprocate your response to stay in parity.

Well this is very trivial but often neglected. Amongst the options you have when a certain issue is presented by someone are:

  • Responsd in parity – mimic the same level of attention or details that was given, in your response
  • Do not respond in Parity – But clearly justify it, as there is a hidden expectation that you do respond in parity
  • Ignore – you know what is important and what is not, don’t let others interfere with your agenda
  • This principal is basically suggesting the first option whenever possible. It drives harmony, alignment, and good communications. In some cases the 2nd option is applicable as well (I use 1:5 rule in general – works for me) when several pre-conditions are set (the forum of rejection is applicable and non offensive, the issue breaks strongly core values, beliefs or patterns you have – so you must challenge to give the opportunity to clarify, and others). The latter option is usually not helpful.

    Note: Response in parity does not mean agreement. You can explain why you think otherwise. As long as you give the same amount of attention to this area, you “respond” well to the hidden expectation, and then reduce friction (even if you disagree). Many a times a laconic affirmation, is less valuable then a detailed debate and disagreement – when the issue was presented to show the significance, rather than to force YES.

    Remember – This is specifically aimed at generic relationships where the original agenda set, is somehow unbalanced (boss sets agenda, and expects follow). In other relationships, as well as with intimate knowledge of the particular boss or customer style, a specific mannerism may override this principal – but it often still applies most of the time in any case.


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    Free D #3 – Prioritization or Does the GOLF club on TV burning with a CHOCOLATE colored SMOKE?

    Hmm… It seems the author has smoked something, perhaps greener than that brown chocolate in the title?
    No. I’m in a smoke free, pet free home (check my eBay staff). But I would like to discuss prioritization in this post, the 3rd in the Free D work series. Let’s start with the known prior art (one can see I do too many patents lately) – the most common metaphor learned is about Urgency vs. Important, where you are often trained to devote your time to things that are both, and avoid those that are neither:   


    Urgent vs. Important

    Urgent vs. Important

    But you didn’t visit me in this post for this – Did you? You know better. What I’ll share below is not based on scientific grounds, but on experience, experiments, and extra-marriage activities (ooops, this part should have been dropped out). It took me some time to define this, but I think I’m pretty close now, while it is still wide open for discussion and explorations. And no, it’s nothing new. It goes back to childhood, well not exactly – to Freud, and more accurately: to immediate satisfaction vs. postponement of gratification.    

    Yet another blow of that smoke, fella?    

    Let me explain the title first:    


    Golf, and many other sport activities, allow you to to certain actions that are instantly rewarded on success. There is even physical body changes, adrenalin pumps, joy of success, or even a cone of shame (see the movie UP from Pixar).    


     TV on the other scale seems a relaxing, no brainer activity. Yet it provides constant and effortless audio-visual inputs, for people to mess up their minds and  numb their brain cells. Yet, most of us spend some scary time of our life in front of this black rectangle of doom.    


    Chocolate (or pick your edible addiction) is slightly different – we have inherent survival needs for food. Yet Chocolate, a “healthy” repository of glucose, is what exists in our blood. Hence no need to undergo complex chemistry: blood gets what it wants, and gets it now – our biological fuel without fire, leading us nicely to the last one…   


    Smoking, yet another form of addictive substance. Yes, most of us who smoked, started because we wished to be cool, or to get laid, be accepted, or because there was really nothing better to do in fecking . However, smoking is often a breaker, if not a glimpse of fresh air, and use as such in smokers daily routines.    

    Those samples share this in common: they show how we all engage in activities that bring us immediate relief. While we all appreciate the needs for the “greater good”: long-term satisfaction from challenging achievements, self-improvement, fame and glory, or perhaps some cash – this is often tiring and grinding. So this brings me directly to the priorities system I suggest, for actually managing tasks:     


    1. Work in “waves” fitting your natural normal day “productivity” times. For more information on “hot times” see heatmapping.
    2. DO some things of the “Importance”, “Quadrant II” (Stephen Covey), “High-Value”, “50k view” or any other horizon of your choice – all depriving you from instantanious gratifications.
    3. Then DO some things just to feel good, V marks, getting things done – whatever you want to call it. Yes, they may be not important, or fit long-term values. Still do them as long as you need to get the adrenalin or buzz or raise your energy levels (“golf“), do things effortlessly almost auto-pilot (“TV“), things that bring immediate good feel results or plain bodily needs like eating (“chocolate“) or just your form of breakouts (“smoking“).

    Your priorities should be to weave in your tasks now and future, pleasures with growing, instant satisfaction with deffered gratifications.   

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